One Step Behind
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Chad feels distance.


**Title:** One Step Behind  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Theme/Topic:** N/A  
**Rating:** PG  
**Character/Pairing/s:** lightly, vaguely, Chad+Ichigo   
**Warnings/Spoilers:** Through the very beginning of the Arrankar arc.  
**Word Count: **1,541  
**Summary:** Chad feels distance.  
**Dedication:** hanachan01's request for the March round of bleachflashfic! Sorry if it is a bit boring! It's been so long since I've written either Ichigo _or C_had. And I wanted to change it up a bit more, but I think I wouldn't have time between now and when we're leaving for San Deigo (tonight) so I wanted to get this to you ASAP. I might go back and fix it later. XD Sorry again!  
**A/N:** It has been forever since I've written this pairing. I hope I remember the dynamics.  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, though I wish constantly.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

* * *

You wonder when watching Ichigo's back also began to mean always having to stay just a little bit behind him as well.

Always playing catch-up.

Ichigo grows and becomes stronger and faster and fiercer in the blink of an eye and you can see every bit of it from where you're standing behind him. From the place where you'd put yourself after you promised that you'd always look after him so long as you had breath in your body and the strength of your own two hands.

You made an oath that day, after all.

Because back then, the knowledge that you'd watch out for him was what made everything bearable to you— the names, the gawking looks, the automatic, recoiling fear.

A foreign monster. You were always taller and broader and darker and quieter than the rest of the people around you, and despite the fact that you didn't speak with any sort of accent different from their own, everyone else in the place you called home usually managed to find a way to treat you like nothing more than a visitor anyway.

You always knew, just by looking, that you never really belonged.

And then Ichigo came into your life.

That was the moment that you learned that being different wasn't bad, because when you looked into his eyes and the two of you promised each other that you'd always look out for one another no matter what, the fact that you were big and strong and made of up of everything from across the ocean that those close-minded people feared was suddenly all okay, because now those were all things you could use to help keep the promise you'd made to him on the day he'd waltzed into your life and changed it irreversibly.

"We'll watch each other's backs," he'd said to you, and slugged you in the arm in an easy, companionable way, even though it hurt after the beating you had just taken.

You took the words to heart at that moment, took the slight pain as sealing the deal, and from that moment on you never looked back once.

You used everything you had and you watched over him with it, just like he looked after you with all of his heart. You were the silent shadow and he was the driving force, and no matter what kind of scrapes you two got in together like that, the fact that you watched each other's backs made you indestructible every time.

And through it all, you told yourself that everything that made you different from the rest of them—from him— was just another way for you to protect him. Big and strong and unlike anyone else.

For a while, you were even proud of it.

But then one day, after he'd grown so much stronger and faster and fiercer in the blink of an eye, you had to pause to look at yourself, for a moment, apart from him.

And you suddenly, inexplicably, forcibly realized that you weren't the one who was fundamentally different from everyone else after all.

He was.

He was in another world from you altogether, somewhere far away that seemed much greater and wilder than anything you could ever imagine. That most people ever could.

You figured out at that very moment that _he_ was the one really who stood apart from everyone else in the end.

Funny, you'd thought it'd always been you.

But now you realize it—he has some sort of great destiny attached to him, running through him, and that makes him a far more different being here in the microcosm of Karakura than even your enormous size and dark skin and American nickname could ever make you.

He is a million miles away.

Everyone can feel it now really, just by looking at him.

Ichigo is different.

There's something about him that sets him apart.

And it feels like he's pulling farther and farther ahead of you all with each passing day— towards whatever destiny it is that's attached to him, whatever greatness lies over the horizon. He chases after it without looking back, and before you know what's going on, you find yourself forced to run as fast as you can after him just so you can keep him in sight.

Because you promised him you'd always watch his back.

You run as hard as you can and as fast as you can after him, trying to catch up, but somewhere in the back of your mind you already know how hopeless it is when you're like this and he's like that and still growing exponentially.

You think to yourself that now, he's so far ahead of you that you can barely see his shadow anymore.

And the gap is only growing.

The way you are now and the way he is now—you know that you wouldn't be able to protect him at all, despite that solemn promise you made him all those years ago. That you made yourself.

It hurts to know you wouldn't be able to do a thing for him if he ever needed you.

It took you a while to admit this to yourself, and as you sit in your room staring at the ceiling now, you think back to the reason why you're here and not there and why every part of you aches when you move, breathe, _think_.

You flex your right arm—still there, it's still there—and the bandages are tight and uncomfortable but the itching tells you that even though you're not healed yet, you're on your way. Almost there.

The pain reminds you of that day when he saved you for the first time—when you promised all of the power of that right arm to him because you were going to watch one another's backs from here on out and forever.

The pain is greater now than it was that day: maybe because the beating you took was so severe you could have died, or maybe it just hurts more because of the fact that he'd rescued you and told you that he didn't need you there anymore, because he didn't want to see you injured again.

When he'd told you to run, that might have been more painful than the ache of your own flesh being torn from your body.

Because at that moment you'd been more than a million miles apart from him, and for the first time in your life, you'd thought to yourself that maybe—maybe—you wouldn't be able to catch up anymore, no matter how hard you tried. That he'd disappear from your life forever because he had some great destiny you couldn't ever be a part of.

He was so far away from you at that moment.

You remember feeling something like hate for the first time in your life.

You hated the thought of not being in his life, of him not being in yours because you were too weak to do what you'd always promised you would.

And so, now, you lie in bed staring at the ceiling and even if every part of your body hurts when you do it, you move your fingers anyway, one by one by one and squeeze them tight, until you've got a fist as tight as you can make it and the ache is strong enough to make your eyes water just a bit.

You tell yourself that you have a lot of catching up to do.

Because you don't want to be someone Ichigo doesn't need in his life, and even if it kills you, you tell yourself that you're going to close the gap.

That you're going to continue to watch his back no matter how far ahead he runs. He's the driving force and you're the silent shadow, and together like that you'll be indestructible, just like you've always been.

When you lift your fist and look at it now, it hurts. But not as much as the thought of being a million miles away from the driving force in your life.

You have to do something about it.

And so this time, this time you take your own words to heart and take the pain as sealing the deal, just like you did back then. And you think that from this moment on, you aren't going to look back anymore, not even once. From here, you can only go forward.

Because you're going to keep that promise you made, no matter what.

Even if it means that you'll always be playing catch up to Ichigo for the rest of your life.

Maybe longer—it doesn't matter.

Because even if you always have to be a step or two behind him, you at least know that from there, you can still watch his back.

As long as you can close the gap just a little bit.

You stay just like that and look at your fist for a very long time. It hurts, but it's still there. It's still there. The power of your right arm and everything it means between the two of you.

When you finally lower it again, you think to yourself that it's time to catch up.

It's a promise.

**END**


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